Vanessa's  OCTOBER message

Hello ladies

Many apologies that this newsletter is four days later than usual. It is entirely down to one of the following four reasons. You can choose which you think is the most likely!

1. I was abducted by aliens and have spent the weekend being hideously probed whilst simultaneously attempting to explain such human mysteries as the enduring popularity of Christopher Biggins.
2.  I have been in a hidden underground bunker some ten miles north west of Swindon on top secret training to be a spy. Damn... I've said too much...
3. Johnny Depp came round AGAIN, trying to persuade me to run off with him for a weekend of drugs and debauchery. His ever increasing seediness aroused my pity and so my iron resolve was weakened and we had a sleazy mini break on his yacht on the Cote 'd'Azure.
4. I forgot.

So, this month  a group of bell ringers are coming along to delight and entertain us. They come highly recommended so I'm thoroughly looking forward to it. Apparently we get to have a go ourselves and I confess I can't get visions of 'The Generation Game' out of my head. Hopefully it won't be utter mayhem. And sadly we won't have a conveyor belt of fondue sets, golf clubs and a cuddly toy. (Totally unrelated trivia: the woman who used to choose all the prizes for The Generation Game was my husband's assistant at the BBC until she retired. She's also the mother of the drummer from Madness. Admittedly not one of my better name drops).

As well as the bells we're going to be having a CD swish, so dig out anything you never listen to and swap it for something more 'appealing' (can you see what I did there?!). We're going to limit the CDs to no more than 10 per person.

DO NOT FORGET to bring your mug along to the meeting! If you weren't at the last one you won't know that the committee are fed up with all the washing up so we won't be putting cups out for the teas and coffees. To be honest, those silly little cups are too small anyway so I think a decent sized mug is preferable. I would put it in your car right this minute so that you don't forget on Thursday and have to enviously watch everybody else savouring their lovely big mugs of tea while your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth. Also, bring your old magazines, smellies and sanitary products.

Much love

Vanessa